After going through the normal procedure of rapid test procedure, I went upstairs to see mom.
I was hoping that she would be up in her wheelchair taking her meal in the dining room with the other residents.
Mom loves meeting her friends in the dining room, waving her hands like the queen and saying hello to whoever passes by her.
One of her favourite things to do is to enjoy the view outside from the comfort of her dining room seat.
This is not possible now.
She is too weak to be lifted from her bed to the wheel chair for meals twice a day to have meals in the dining room.
But for the past week, she was in too much pain when the staff lifted her with the lifting machine.
We further reduced it to only transferring her once a day for meal.
Mom was in bed sleeping, not awake in her wheelchair waiting to be wheeled down for her meal.
I called her gently but no response from her. She sleeps all the time now.
Although I brought her favourite homemade soup from home, Mom was too tired to open her eyes. I waited and turned on my computer started singing to her. I used to be very upset thinking about my mom's imminent passing from this world. But when I started singing to her in her sleep hopefully that she could still hear me, I become calmer myself.
A little later, a member from the Foot Care Team came in and did pedicure for Mom. I thought that was nice. But Mom slept through it all.
I went to McDonalds' at the end of the street for a coffee break hoping that when I came back, Mom would be awake. Returning to her room room, I found Mom was still sleeping. I called her and she opened her eyes. But she refused all food and drink, even water. I tried very hard to feed her, without much success and she fell back to sleep again.
I sang to Mom by her bedside for a little while, kissed her and said goodbye.
I wanted to stay overnight and be by Mom's side tonight and told the staff that I would return after dinner. I went to the store and bought new tooth brush, toothpaste etc for my overnight stay.
While having dinner with my husband, I felt stronger and better, not as emotional as before.
I thought about the preparations I needed to do for Saturday's reunion gathering for the young people in Waterloo. I had to go home and get that done. We were also meeting the contractor at our downtown place tomorrow at 2pm. There would not be anytime for me to pack for our trip for the weekend Waterloo trip.
I decided not to return to the long term care home and went home to prepare for my Saturday meeting with the young people.
On my previous visit, I hang the Last Supper picture in front of Mom's bed. Though I could not be there every moment when Mom is awake, I hope that the picture of Jesus with his disciples will remind Mom that Jesus is with her and that she is not alone.
R.T.
Toronto
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