Finally, a Memorable Lunch with My Son

Friday, May 17, 2013

I was invited to Queen Alexandra School to speak to students in two assemblies in the morning.  It was uncharacteristic of me to feel a little nervous.  I have spoken to students and young people at assemblies for most of my professional life and I actually enjoy public speaking. However, I had not done a formal school wide presentation for a little wide since my retirement and I was not sure what to expect from a few hundred of teenagers who might or might not be interested in my topic.

 I did it and it went well!  My presentation on Asian History in Canada was well received and there were a lot of questions at the end which told me that students did pay attention and wanted to know more about it.

I asked my son, Jonathan, to come and video tape my presentation so that I could improve on it for future presentations. We went out for lunch on Danforth afterwards.

It was the best lunch I ever had with my son!!!  We tried Greek food, something different, and the dishes were delicious. But the best part of our lunch was our honest exchange in our conversation.

I must admit that my relationship with my younger son has not been ideal. As parents, we love our children and we always want the best for them. However, the way we express our love may have been misinterpreted as being intrusive at times.

As an educator, I have been able to reach many difficult students and parents when they come to me for help. I could always listen to them, keeping my head cool and helping them to diffuse their unpleasant situations.  But things changed when dealing with my own son. My husband, our son and I could be too emotional at times therefore unable to conduct meaningful and calm discussions in times of conflict.

 I remember vividly how many of our casual discussions had turned into heated  arguments with us saying hurtful things to each other. A few years back, we couldn't substain a conversation without ending up arguing with each other. As recently as last Christmas, a casual discussion in the car after the big annual family dinner  (at Susuan and Dave) turned ugly and Jonathan ended up feeling extremely upset with me because of a remark I made. Sometimes, our grown up children are so sensitive of some topics that I feel as I were walking on thin ice and have to tiptoe around
them.

This afternoon, our conversation was lovely, absolutely marvelous! It was an honest, polite exchange of information and opinions about what each of us has done recently. Jonathan, who quit his very secure and stable well paid teaching job to pursue his artistic interest,  shared with me about his success and failures in his new pursuits, hopes and dreams. I listened attentively without making any remarks nor did I offer any motherly advice ( which I used to do in the past and got him angry with me.)  He was in the mood to talk and I was glad that I was there to share his life experience with him. Our lunch hour flew by quickly without any awkward moment of dead silence.

I just realized that this was the first time I have had a real  pleasant  adult to adult conversation with my younger son. I am delighted to discover that my relationship with him has turned a new page and that our relationship has evolved from  a parent-child relationship to a best friend supporting,  respecting and loving each other relationship.  I thank God for this positive change and I look forward to many more pleasant lunch conversations with our sons in the future!

R.T.
At a Danforth Restaurant
Toronto