August 11 - Singing to My Mom by Her Bedside

August 11, 2022

We went to visit my mom at the Stouffville long term care home at lunch time today.

 
After going through the normal procedure of rapid test procedure, I went upstairs to see mom.

I was hoping that she would be up in her wheelchair taking her meal in the dining room with the other residents.

 

Mom loves meeting her friends in the dining room, waving her hands like the queen and saying hello to whoever passes by her.

One of her favourite things to do is to enjoy the view outside from the comfort of her dining room seat.

This is not possible now. 

She is too weak to be lifted from her bed to the wheel chair for meals twice a day to have meals in the dining room.

But for the past week, she was in too much pain when the staff lifted her with the lifting machine.

We further reduced it to only transferring her once a day for meal.

Mom was in bed sleeping, not awake in her wheelchair waiting to be wheeled down for her meal. 

I called her gently but no response from her. She sleeps all the time now. Although I brought her favourite homemade soup from home, Mom was too tired to open her eyes. I waited and turned on my computer started singing to her. I used to be very upset thinking about my mom's imminent passing from this world. But when I started singing to her in her sleep hopefully that she could still hear me, I become calmer myself.

A little later, a member from the Foot Care Team came in and did pedicure for Mom. I thought that was nice. But Mom slept through it all.

I went to McDonalds' at the end of the street for a coffee break hoping that when I came back, Mom would be awake. Returning to her room room, I found Mom was still sleeping. I called her and she opened her eyes. But she refused all food and drink, even water. I tried very hard to feed her, without much success and she fell back to sleep again.

I sang to Mom by her bedside for a little while, kissed her and said goodbye.

I wanted to stay overnight and be by Mom's side tonight and told the staff that I would return after dinner. I went to the store and bought new tooth brush, toothpaste etc for my overnight stay.

While having dinner with my husband, I felt stronger and better, not as emotional as before.

I thought about the preparations I needed to do for Saturday's reunion gathering for the young people in Waterloo. I had to go home and get that done. We were also meeting the contractor at our downtown place tomorrow at 2pm. There would not be anytime for me to pack for our trip for the weekend Waterloo trip.

I decided not to return to the long term care home and went home to prepare for my Saturday meeting with the young people.

On my previous visit, I hang the Last Supper picture in front of Mom's bed. Though I could not be there every moment when Mom is awake, I hope that the picture of Jesus with his disciples will remind Mom that Jesus is with her and that she is not alone.

R.T.

Toronto

Being There for My Mom - on Palliative Care - August 10, 2022

August 10, 2022 

 My brother, Dave, drove from Ottawa to visit my mom at the long term care home for the past two days while Marg come the week before. Both of them stayed at our house.

 

They went back today to their home towns. My out of town siblings’ presence in Toronto gave the three of us, who are caregivers of Mom, some relief from our visitation schedules with mom. 

Together with my husband and my two other siblings, living in Toronto, we have been visiting Mom twice a day, for lunch and dinner, as much as possible, seven days a week to look after her during her mealtimes.

 Mom is in a lot of pain now. Tylenol used to give her some relief from pain, not any more. Since last week, we gave permission for Mom to have Morphine to be administered orally instead of Tylenol. 

After meeting with the long term care and palliative staff a couple of weeks ago, the family and the medical team have decided that our care goal for Mom now is to make her as comfortable as possible.

 

I came in today around 4pm for the dinner shift to look after Mom who was sleeping deeply under the influence of the medication, I supposed. 

I was shocked to see the change in her physical appearance.

Mom looked so pale laying in bed with the oxygen tube in her nostrils. Because the out of town siblings were here for the past dew days, I have not seen Mom for two days. But the change was significant. I am sitting beside her quietly waiting for her to awake for dinner which will be brought in to the room and I will feed her from her bed.

Mom used to take her meals in the dining room with other residents. 

This no longer can happen as lifting her from her bed to the wheelchair is too painful for her.

Even a few weeks ago, she was trying hard to eat herself.

She is thin, lost a lot of weight, but her body is retaining fluid making her skin buff up. Last time I was here my gentle touch left an impression on her arm even though I only touch her for a few seconds.

Mom ate very little for dinner, hardly anything. I worried.

R.T.

Stouffville Long Term Care Home

August 4 - Another Big Unexplained Bruise Found on a Long Term Care Resident

AUGUST 4, 2022 

Everyone takes a rapid test at MJ before seeing the resident

We went to visit Mom at our usual scheduled time – arrive at the home before 12pm, take a rapid test and wait for 15 minutes for a negative result before being allowed to go up to my mom’s floor to see her.

 

Mom was already in the dining room. M., the PSW was there feeding her. She told me that Mom ate .

I took over and fed her my homemade seafood soup spoon by spoon. I was glad that I did bring the homemade soup as this was the only consistent food she could take now. She didn’t have much appetite and she was too tired to go outside to enjoy the sun.

I stayed with Mom until she fell asleep at around 3:15pm. I walked to the nearest Macdonald for a coffee break and checked my emails. I went back to see my mom again at 5pm for the dinner meal and talked to her for bit. Recently the care plan has been changed to only taking mom out of bed to the dining room once a day as the transfer process was too much for her.

I was shocked to see a great big bruise on my mom’s left hand. It looked painful! It was not there when I left her at 315p.m. while she was in bed. What happened? I went to the nursing station and reported this bruise. 

The floor RPN came in to take a look but could not give me an explanation. M. the PSW didn’t even come in to tell me what happened until almost 2 hour later. I took a picture and sent it via what’s hap to our chat group among my siblings. The following days , there was an investigation as the charge nurse reported it to the police.

 R.T.

Toronto

Enjoying a Lazy Summer Day with Mom in Stouffville, Ontario

July 31, 2022 

 New tenants will be moving into the downtown condo on August 1. We needed to be downtown and get everything ready. So glad that we found a couple of nice Spanish speaking cleaning ladies, Miriam and her sister have been doing the cleaning for us. 

 We were there yesterday having a relaxing day while Miriam came with her daughter around 230pm and did their magic with the condo. It was nice sleeping over there for a couple of nights. We went from E. condo from downtown this morning to visit Mom in Stouffville.

 

Mom & me sitting outside

By the time I got there, Mary, the PSW already fed Mom who ate a good lunch today. It was a hot summer day. I dressed mom properly and wheeled her outside to enjoy some sun and breezes. Mom fell asleep in her wheel chair. I just sat beside her, holding her hand. By now, her right hand has started to become swollen as well. I knew my mom would soon depart from this world. I just prayed that she would go without much pain. 

 Mom was sleeping most of the time while we were sitting under the gazebo, She awoke from her nap from time to time. I sat beside her enjoying my time with her, the last few precious moments I would have with my mother. We looked out to the pond where birds were flying over the quiet water in this hot summer heat. Mom’s eyesight has deteriorated. I pointed out the birds flying in formation over the pond; she saw them and flashed me a smile, a rare sight these days.

 Mom is tired easily and in pain from her cancer these days. I kept asking her if she was tired and would prefer to go inside. She gave me a definitive no and wanted to stay outside to enjoy the summer day. It is painful watching your loved one slowly dying. But I am privileged that I could be there with my mom, supporting her, holding her hands and loving her in her last days. 

 

R.T. Stoffville, Ontario

Attending the Never Ending Planned Wedding in Kitchener, Ontario

My niece and her husband are a wonderful couple, perfectly matched for each other! They knew each other since their first year of university at McMaster Univeristy. It took S. a few tries before getting a date from my niece who was a dedicated student focusing on her univesrity study. However, once they started dating, there was no going back and the rest was history.

M. and S. had been planning their wedding since 2019. When they first announced their wedding date, June, 2020, everyone was excited for them, finally, they would tie the knot! A wedding shower, wedding parties, before and after were planned.

The wedding reception venue, a beautiful Victorian structure in the middle of Victoria Park, Kitchener, had been chosen to be where the wedding reception and dance would be. Our big fat familiy looked forward to this joyous family event with great anticipation as Mickey, (my niece's nickname) the youngest of all the fifteen cousins was to be wedded.

COVID hit us in March of 2020! The wedding shower in June was postponed twice. Mickey and S.'s wedding reception was postponed again and again amid the implementations of increasing COVID restrictions and protocols. We were disappointed but understood the gravity of the COVID situation.

But nothing could prevent two true lovers from being united in matrimony.

Mickey and S. did tie the knots in a private ceremony wintnessed by only their parents and their bridle party.

That was in August of 2020!

Finally, after being married and waiting for two years, Mickey and S. were able to enjoy their delayed wedding reception and shared their bliss with their families and friends coming from all over.

The venue at Victoria Park was as beautiful as we have imagined!

So was the bride! Mickey looked radiant and angelic in her low back wedding dress.

The catering dinner reception including melt in your mouth roast beef, BBQ chickens,fresh salads and delicious side dishes!

It was one of the most delicious weddding dinner we have had provided by a catering restaurant!

The desserts baked by the parents were fantastic and provided a personal touch to this joyful occasion! .

After dinner, it was time for some sharing by the wedding party.

Everyone enjoyed the heartfelt speeches from the parents of both the bride and groom. After dinner, it was time for some sharing by the wedding party. Everyone enjoyed the heartfelt speeches from the parents of both the bride and groom.

Then there was a really neat game that tested the knowleade of how well the new couple knew each other. The new couple each holding his/ her shoes in both hands trying to answer some questions about their new spouse. It was so much fun learning about the new couple!

After that, it was time for celebration and dancing!

What a joyous celebration and a memoriable event after being isolated from social gatherngs for more than two years.

To top it off, there was a poutine truck at around 10:30p.m. refuelling the guests and getting them ready for a night of dancing and polka!

We enjoyed the wedding and were grateful that our son from SF was able to fly home joining us for this celebrataion!

Mickey and S., may God bless your new life together as you have started a new chapter in your life! May you love, strengthen and support each other as you travel the journey of life together!

Love from your aunt, R.T. Waterloo, Ontario

Huge Unexplained Bruises on a Cancer Patient in an Ontario Long Term Care Home

My Mom is living her last days at a long term care home in Stouffville, Ontario. We try to be there as much as possible to be with her. There are three of us iving in the GTA area and we take turns visiting mom on a daily basis. I visited Mom the previous day and the next day was my sister’s turn to visit and feed my mom.

Last week my sister was alarmed as she noticed a huge bruise on her foot. My sister sent out a picture via What’s Hap. I was surprised because between the time I left mom at 7:15 to the time when my sister visited her, it was less than 24 hours and how she sustained a huge bruise like that, nobody knew. 

 The nurses and PSW could not give an explanation of how this occurred. Later, it was explained to us that she got this bruise as her skin is so easily bruised now. The simple action of her putting her one foot on top of the other had caused that. Really?

 I found that difficult to understand. With the shortage of nursing and medical staff in Ontario hospitals and long term care facilities, many of these institutions resort to hiring personal support workers and nursing staff from agencies which we feel do not provide adequate training for their personnel. What can we do when medical institutions are facing such acute shortage of staff?

The families of these residents and patients need to visit more often and become the caregivers to their loved ones. We do our parts. When we visit, we usually visit at meal time to coax her to eat. After mealtime, I would take her into the lounge, and we sat together looking outside and looked for the birds flying through the sky or the ducks swimming in the pond. The sight of the aviary animals delighted my mom. Most of the time, we just sat side by side, with me holding her hand. No words needed to be spoken. I love my mom and I was there for her. She knows it and she was content just feeling my presence.

My husband has been very supportive; he drives me to visit and play a game with Mom when she feels up to it.

She is experiencing more pain now as the cancer growth progresses. She is complaining about headaches, aches on her neck, shoulder, her left arm, leg. Tylenol was given to reduce her pain, but when that didn’t hurt, the last resort was Morphine. I noticed that after morphine was given, my mom started to sleep a lot. Before when I got there, she was happy and wanted to go with me, talking with me, singing and watching the videos I showed her. Now she is sleeping most of the time, hardly awakes.

 R.T. Toronto