Observing and Learning to Communicate Better as a Parent in My Neighborhood Coffee Shop

Our neihgbourhood coffee shops such as Starbucks, Tim Horton's or McDonald's are my happy places, where I can retreat from the world and do the things I love the most - writing and blogging which allow me to recapture the happy moments spent with friends and family.

Our neighbourhood coffee shop is my happy place

A little while ago,  I was sitting in my favourite coffee shop doing my writing again.

Sitting across from me were a father and his young daughter, about 8 or 9 years old. The dad was having a coffee while his daughter was enjoying a juice and a donut. Both were chatting about anything that came to their mind.


It was a cold afternoon in the middle of a harsh Canadian winter with snow blowing outside. As soon as the father sat down,  he took his daughter's hand and rubbed it gently to keep it warm.
A beautiful and touching picture of a loving father and his daughter being together.

A lovely snow scene in our neighbourhood

After a few minutes of conversation, the father took out a magazine and went over some pictures on some movies with the daughter.   Their casual conversation evolved into something more personal to about the daughter's school and friends.

The daughter asked her dad "How do you study for a grammar test?"
Her dad went over with his daughter what he did when he was a student. The discussion continued to focus on her school work and the daughter expressed how she wished she could do better in school.

My neighbourhood coffee shops are always filled with people

" The most important thing is that you keep trying. You are trying hard which is important."Dad said gently encouraging her young daughter.

" But I am having a hard time with my friends. I wish my friends would like me better. I am not the smartest," the girl replied with some
sadness in her voice.

Then  she looked at her dad's cell phone, " Oh, it's 3:30pm."

Dad said," Are you OK? You looked at the clock. Tell me what's bothering you?" He was trying to be very understanding and patient. But his daughter did not reply.

Her Dad continued:"You know when we do gardening? You put the tomato seeds in the soil, water them and look after them.Then after a little while, the tomatoes will grow. Friendship is like that. It takes a little time."

With his encouraging words, the girl continued telling her father what was bothering her about her friends.



Dad:  " What are the things you are presenting on Friday? Tell me about it. What are you going to say?"
Daughter: "I am presenting about my favourite room in the house. '
Dad:          " What do you like about these rooms. Tell me 3 things why you like these rooms? I am intereste
d. I want to hear about it."
Daughter: "Not sure."
Dad:         "You picked the bedroom. But why, you should explain why you like about it."
Dad:         "Tell me about your math test."
Daughter: "What about it? It's just a math test"
Dad:         "You have an amazing story about your Math test."

Lots of people do their work in the coffee shop

Then the Dad picked up his cell phone and said: " let me take a picture of you. A fun picture. Pick up something and do something funny. I want to do a portrait. Please don't cover your eyes. When you do a portrait of the person, the eyes are very important."

The daughter took her winter hat and posed.
Dad:         "Look up to one side."

They were having fun, taking pictures and looking at them together.What a beautiful picture of father and daughter spending time together!

I was sitting opposite from them and starting to be filled with emotions.

Being a working mom who was trying to build a career at the time, I was extremely busy while my kids were growing up. How I wish I could have spent time like that with my two sons individually when they were young and talked with them like this pair about school, friends and their problems.

Building relationship takes time.  Cultivating friendship and relationship with loved ones and our children takes years.

I admired this father's willingness and his deliberate attempt in spending time and communicating with his daughter. Listening to the father/daughter conversation, I have learned a thing or two about  talking to my own and other children better.

R.T.
At My Neighborhood Coffee Shop
Toronto